I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
