i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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