im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Randomize
