grandma shit on top of the toilet
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
