nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Randomize
