the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
