Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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