I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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