i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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