he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
