Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
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And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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