oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Send help, water and tortillas.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
