Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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