I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
