So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
