sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
