I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
my liver is dry heaving
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
