don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
