and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
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