I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
