So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I woke up under a house in Key West
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
