It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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