is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
