You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
