Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
