epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
