Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
