After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
