Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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