she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
