Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
