Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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