Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
