Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
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