508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Randomize
