And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
