Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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