Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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