Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Enjoy the penises
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
