I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
