you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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