i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
