Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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