so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
