On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
my nose is crying tears of wow.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
