I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
