you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
