you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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