can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
