So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
