Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
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you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
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Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
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