Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
she looked like the before picture.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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