you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Randomize
