was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
