I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Four minutes until I can fart!
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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