Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Randomize
