I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I will pee on everything he values.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
