Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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