please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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