i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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