I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
