This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
