i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
